Earlier, I wrote about love. This post. Considering the last post, it clearly didn't work out. It was, however, a hallmark difference from previous relationships. As much as I pursued a relationship, she felt happier just 'fooling around' and would readily end up in bed with me.
But in the long run, it was just going to stay a fling, sleeping together and me going home afterwards. Not really what I was looking for. Eventually, I broke it off. For the first time in my life, I stepped out of a relationship because it did not give me what I wanted.
Previously, I thought the hurt of being dumped was mainly that : being dumped. But I failed to see that the one breaking of the relationship is usually the one that sees that the relationship just fails to fulfill needs. In that way, it still hurt like hell when I broke it up. But I did. I drew the line, kissed the girl and left, like some sort of man I never thought I'd become.
Later on, we did fool a bit in bed, she's still attractive and we're both just human. But the relationship was over. Being able to walk away when things don't work brought me into a strange power parity. It's had an effect on my current relationship, where we both know and feel we can just end it and walk away when we want to.
Which seems to have cured me from my "Oh-God-I-don't-want-to-be-alone-please-please-don't-leave-me"-itis. I don't play chameleon as much anymore. I do the things I want and so far, she seems thrilled to join me on the ride. That's growth right there.
And the strange thing? She's happy. She likes it that I lead, that I choose and do what I want and that she feels she can trust on me to do the things I find important. It has only increased her attraction to me.