tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31939662975688508142024-03-04T23:34:56.433-08:00Op hoop van zegenA place where i can attempt to wrap my thoughts, rants and ramblings into words.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-54989010513639016742014-02-17T01:02:00.000-08:002014-02-17T01:02:15.246-08:00Love #2Earlier, I wrote about love. <a href="http://ophoopvanzegen.blogspot.nl/2012/06/love.html" target="_blank">This post</a>. Considering the last post, it clearly didn't work out. It was, however, a hallmark difference from previous relationships. As much as I pursued a relationship, she felt happier just 'fooling around' and would readily end up in bed with me.<br />
<br />
But in the long run, it was just going to stay a fling, sleeping together and me going home afterwards. Not really what I was looking for. Eventually, I broke it off. For the first time in my life, I stepped out of a relationship because it did not give me what I wanted.<br />
<br />
Previously, I thought the hurt of being dumped was mainly that : being dumped. But I failed to see that the one breaking of the relationship is usually the one that sees that the relationship just fails to fulfill needs. In that way, it still hurt like hell when I broke it up. But I did. I drew the line, kissed the girl and left, like some sort of man I never thought I'd become.<br />
<br />
Later on, we did fool a bit in bed, she's still attractive and we're both just human. But the relationship was over. Being able to walk away when things don't work brought me into a strange <a href="http://marriedmansexlife.com/take-the-red-pill/" target="_blank">power parity.</a> It's had an effect on my current relationship, where we both know and feel we can just end it and walk away when we want to.<br />
<br />
Which seems to have cured me from my "Oh-God-I-don't-want-to-be-alone-please-please-don't-leave-me"-itis. I don't play chameleon as much anymore. I do the things I want and so far, she seems thrilled to join me on the ride. That's growth right there.<br />
<br />
And the strange thing? She's happy. She likes it that I lead, that I choose and do what I want and that she feels she can trust on me to do the things I find important. It has only increased her attraction to me. Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-68308266178584951552014-02-17T00:36:00.001-08:002014-02-17T00:36:59.334-08:00Taking inventory of 2013Hello there blog. A few big things happened:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>- I got a "9-out-of-9-most-definite-here-are-your-pills" diagnoses from a pretty awesome <span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">psychiatrist.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Started dealing with some of the shit in my life (the usual, mainly)</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Read a lot, spent a lot less time online (Which really help cut down on my analysis paralysis. I'll write more about that later)</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Got a fulltime job that actually requires me to put in work ánd be bright, not just one of the two.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">I've been itching to write down more of my feverish (and now clearly pretty standard ADHD) thoughts so let's see how far we can go. The problems in my life are still the same</span></span><br />
<br />
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Haven't gotten a diploma</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Used to go from temporary job to temporary job (Though it did net me a nice amount of IT-related experience that made me a lot more employable). The job now is nice, one of those rare gems on the cusp of both being practical, idealistic and challenging. It's a small company that's gearing up for bigger things and feels like a start-up. That and the boss is awesome. He sent everyone flowers for us doing well, but waits for valentines day to do so. Heh. But I disgress</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Make a mess out of my home</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Unable to plan</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Still overweight</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Still too willing to please / looking for acceptance. "Good boy" </span></span></li>
</ul>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"><br /></span></span>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">A few things have started to work better though</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"><br /></span></span>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">Moved to a nice place. An appartment of my own. This has really given me an opportunity to grow as a person</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- I've started studying with a practicality and effectiveness that, far be it from being a perfect and optimal student, surprises me and gives me hope that I can finish this.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- I've seem to have broken my habit of getting into dysfunctional relationships with dysfunctional people. It's still early, just 4 months now, but let's see if we both actually turn out to be relatively stable and positive towards eachother. So far, so good.</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- I'm slowly creeping away from my sense of dread towards humanity. I'm getting more and more aligned with the ideals of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_Potential_Movement" target="_blank">Human Potential Movement</a>. This might require some eludicating, but I used to feel that humans were mostly barely-conscious biological machines that used intellect as a tool and where self-determination is mostly a psychological construction to keep us sane.<span id="goog_1946822398"></span><span id="goog_1946822399"></span> A pretty bleak view. Not that I've fully abandoned it, I'd call us riders on a wild horse. An analogy that grew from being a victim to the impulses of the horse into a more seasoned rider. Able to distinguish the path to take and how to gently coerce the horse to ride in a direction that benefits both. </span></span></li>
</ul>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"></span></span><br />
<ul>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">- Relationshipwise I've changed from a chameleon-pleaser into more of a man. I'm less afraid to show who I am and have become better able to 'see' how attraction works and how to keep it going in a relationship. <a href="http://markmanson.net/" target="_blank">Mark Manson</a> gave me the much-needed boost to leave the bitterness that becoming game-aware gave me. <a href="http://marriedmansexlife.com/" target="_blank">Athol Kay</a> has shown me how to build healthy relationships and to prevent the pitfalls. (In short : Improve yourself. If there would be one advice that helps one better their lives, in sex, love, business, social life and such, this is it.)</span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"> </span></span><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"> </span></span></li>
<li><span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">Got me a new cycle. Riding half an hour each day. My fitness is increasing slowly but steadily (as my partner remarks in the bedroom) and though there is little weight loss, I seem to be getting into a slightly better shape)</span></span></li>
</ul>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"><br /></span></span>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps">At any rate, my mind has been rambling and I've learned a lot of things. I'll start using this blog for my assorted brain-farts and to see if I can give myself another journal to keep me on track.</span></span><br />
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"><br /></span></span>
<span class="short_text" id="result_box" lang="en"><span class="hps"><br /></span></span>Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-13513998529668207642013-05-15T04:47:00.004-07:002013-05-15T04:50:16.601-07:00Rent-seekingI've posted about intrinsic economic value and was struggling with the nomenclature, untill I ran up into this article on wikipedia : <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rent-seeking" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rent-seeking</a><br />
<br />
Basically, consider the economy to be a big pile of value, with more value being added by those who find new resources, invent new technologies and offer new services. In short : People who add stuff.<br />
<br />
Now imagine I had a small bit of that pile and threw that away to take more of the big pile into my hand. Sure, I get richer, but essentially, the big pile just became a bit smaller and all the other people became a bit poorer.<br />
<br />
And that's basically the problem with about everything, isn't it? Actors that maximize their own profit to the detriment of the total system. A bit like the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tragedy_of_the_commons" target="_blank">Tragedy of the Commons</a>.<br />
<br />
I'm more and more convinced that to actually build a society that is stable, it needs to have the expectation of adding to it as a basis. And for those so entitled : Merely being alive isn't adding to the world, you have to actually <i>add</i> something.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-47625479307231451872012-09-16T19:16:00.001-07:002012-09-16T19:16:15.703-07:00todoI met an ex of mine yesterday. In a way, it was nice and we had a fun time. She's changed. Grown even. I had the feeling I was doing the same, but as the evening progressed, I felt that she was keeping a distance.<br />
<br />
Logical, considering she just had a new partner and since there was a chance we'd end up sleeping together if he wasn't in the picture. In a way, that's a compliment, somehow I'm 'dangerous' or at least attractive at some point.<br />
<br />
But there's something wrong in the way I'm dealing with emotional stuff. As the evening progressed, I felt rejected. Something that made me go back into my needy mindset, meaning I couldn't enjoy myself anymore and got sad.<br />
<br />
It's not that I'm desperately in love with her anymore, it's been over a year. There's something else wrong that I still have to fix. I guess I'm afraid of rejection, like every other guy, but somehow it makes me act irrational and emotional. I need to get rid of this if I'm ever to get into a healthy relationship.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-28963128801715303652012-09-11T09:20:00.003-07:002012-09-11T09:20:57.928-07:00*click*Stuff is starting to <i>click</i>. Life is on track and I'm adding things because I want them. It's funny how actively starting with a new way of living gives you a chance to completely rebuild the way you live and by extension, the person you are.<br />
<br />
I like this. A new year of affluence and growth, coming up Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-3270272311115590752012-06-26T16:46:00.004-07:002012-06-26T16:46:51.589-07:00Boundaries & reflection.After some <a href="http://ophoopvanzegen.blogspot.nl/2012/05/asian-enlightenment-stuff.html">asian enlightenment stuff</a> i've been talking with a good friend about why some people seem to get somewhere in life, where others seem to lack the faculties to get there.<br />
<br />
I get the feeling that the ability to get ahead in life partially relies on the ability to reflect upon whath appens to you.<br />
<br />
And I remembered something about boundaries. We put a boundary between ourself and the rest of the world, isolating ourselves from the world outside and vice versa, isolating the world from ourselves inside. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Watts">Alan Watts</a> has some nice points about this.<br />
<br />
<br />
Though classifying people is a bad, bad thing to do, as it is mirrored in the way you look at yourself, I do wonder if looking at this boundary between yourself and the world leads to different types of people.<br />
<br />
It should be easy to divide people into four categories:<br />
<br />
Non-reflexives, or those that do not look at themselves or the world.<br />
World-reflexives, or those that reflect upon the world but not themselves.<br />
Self-reflexives, that reflect upon themselves but not on the world around them.<br />
Full-reflexives, (Bi-reflexives just sounded..bad) that reflect on themselves ánd the world around them, applying the reflections from the world on themselves and vice versa.<br />
<br />
I'm going to look at this for a while, and update later.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-39287827177787843472012-06-26T16:02:00.002-07:002012-06-26T16:02:51.019-07:00cynismIn every cynic, there's an optimist who is afraid that they might be wrong.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-72290446206928404642012-06-26T16:00:00.001-07:002012-06-26T16:00:53.713-07:00Elements of personalityThere seems to be a transition in my thinking. More and more, it's simply doing what I want and less trying to appear like something I feel I should be.<br />
<br />
In my theatre classes, we used something called the theory of elements to determine our playstyle. Fire, water, earth, wind. All of these were explained in terms of a cowboy walking into a saloon.<br />
<br />
Fire walks in with zest and flamboyance. He's not afraid of anything because he's faster on the trigger than anyone. Anyone shoot at him, he'll just shoot them first. Balls first, loud, full and sure of himself.<br />
<br />
Water walks in like a cyclone that embraces the entire saloon. If he gets shot, he shows and shares the pain with those around him, so they can see that shooting him is a bad thing. He's like a little vortex drawing out the emotion in people.<br />
<br />
Earth, ah. The stoic. Earth would simply stand quietly. Walk inside without saying anything. Earth would get shot and look at the gunshots and think "Hm. I appear to have been shot" without changing his demeanor. He's unshakeable but within the confines of himself, where fire is so outside himself.<br />
<br />
Wind is the neurotic. His eyes dart from point to point, always looking for dangers, threats, planning, adapting. If someone goes for their gun, he'd outsmart them by always being prepared. Hands fidget, thoughts jump from point to point. Always prepared and always reacting to everything.<br />
<br />
<br />
These are characters you use on stage, but they have their merit in knowing yourself. I used to be water with a lot of earth and air mixed in. Now I'm starting to become more earth. More grounded in my own choices and less reliant on the outside world to determine my behaviour.<br />
<br />
I've got a girl whom allows me to simply be, instead of proving myself all the time. I'm choosing my own path and starting to plan the rest of my career or at least my life path. It's not a sudden epihany, but a slow change creeping in your every day behaviour. I'm not sure if it was actions or thoughts that made me change first. But they're both aligned more now.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a superman, but something is changing. I like this.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-88141577097148711232012-06-19T03:46:00.002-07:002012-06-19T03:46:45.000-07:00LoveAnd for the first time, it feels completely relaxed and natural. She gives me that feeling in my stomach when she does something nice and I notice I want to make her happy. But it's not as frantic as I'm used to. It's great to talk but the rest of the world is still there, instead of head-over-heels insanity.<br /><br />Am I finally growing up? I sure hope so. I think she's healthy for me. I'm showing more of myself, consciously trying to drop barriers. It's scary at first, but so great afterwards. It makes me feel a strange calm. Everything will be allright.<br />
<br />
I hope I can give her what she needs too.<br />
<br />
<br />Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-88722546326285196732012-06-08T08:24:00.003-07:002012-06-08T08:24:42.715-07:00The moment you start telling the world how it really works and should be is the moment you are so disconnected you need to get out of your mind and just experience again. It's so easy to just sit back and just think, instead of taking part.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-83478884628434026012012-06-07T05:35:00.001-07:002012-06-07T05:35:41.403-07:00With inmalafide quitting, I've been reading up on his blog. Then I found this little bit of poetry by Rudyard Kipling:
<br />
<br />
<i>“If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,<br />
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;<br />
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;<br />
If all men count with you, but none too much;<br />
If you can fill the unforgiving minute<br />
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -<br />
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,<br />
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!”</i>Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-59299715778493687882012-06-01T16:38:00.002-07:002012-06-01T16:38:40.064-07:00GrowthWith the premiére of the musical I play in I've noticed something new. I feel some stage fright and tension building up to the big show. Normally, I'd get stressed or try to focus, but now, for the first time in ages, I've been enjoying the excitement. Instead of feeling a negative emotion, actively try to value and enjoy the sense of adrenalin running through your body, your mind racing to make sure you did everything.
It's much nicer to sit back and enjoy the fear and anxiety, instead of being a victim of it. It feels like growing.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-51803908419752089872012-05-23T14:04:00.003-07:002012-05-23T14:04:48.890-07:00realpolitik"When ideology collides with reality, reality is rarely the damaged party."
I don't remember which philosopher said this, but there is mention of a sorts of natural law, that is, simply what is in the world. Any human-made law must abide by natural law, lest it lead to conflict and ultimately, useless demise in a conflict that cannot be resolved.
In short, any thought, law or impulse that is laid upon the world must fit that world, else the law is stupid. A great example of this is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Realpolitik">realpolitik</a>, which is a form of politics where nor idealism or ideology are used to decide what kind of policy is to be implemented, but a simple goal is stated (which could be the result of ideology or idealism), after which a realistic path to that goal is charted.
It's the political variant of red pill knowledge, where one has to accept that practicality leads. A good politician will have to be able to let go of his or her morality and do that which is practical, even if it isn't moral.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-2346101545079406032012-05-22T11:49:00.000-07:002012-05-22T11:49:47.617-07:00Asian enlightenment stuffFunny. There's little changes everywhere but it does not feel as if I myself really changed.
It's the same with sports, I've changed in what I believe I can do, but the self-image must transform with the changes to allow you to accept them. All this time I've been longing for a ritual, some way to formalize a transformation. I'm feeling more and more that there is a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_of_Myth">lack of ritual</a> in modern society, mostly felt in the transition from boy to man.
<br>
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/WUXodFgbDfQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<br>
Many thanks to Krauser for this. Though his blog is mostly about pickup and his dark arts have been utilized to their full extent in procuring me an icecream from a nice girl, these little tidbits of insight float around those who try to improve themselves, be it in pickup, meditation or simply trying to become the best they can be. But it seems to be a journey that goes hand in hand with men trying to find their place in relation to women and eventually, the world.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-7197422468142945152012-04-18T18:29:00.003-07:002012-04-18T18:50:01.057-07:00progress postWell, a lot of things have happened.<br /><br />Training has been going well. I'm exercising with an english friend of mine, Chris, whom seems eager to train with me. It's fun. We talk inbetween sets, crack jokes and tease the other when we fail. But it did get me in a rythym. Tuesday is now training day, with 2 hours on that day reserved for exercise.<br /><br />Results? I could post numbers, but I've seen my strength on certain tasks improve. My muscles are becoming visibly bigger, while my weight is staying the same. I'm losing fat and gaining muscle. People note that I'm walking more upstraight and that I seem more fit. <br /><br />And in the end, it is always a mental barrier, not a physical one. Train your body well and enough and it will show results. But the mindset needs to change. I still am afraid to see myself becoming a really fit person with a great body. Afraid to accept the challenge, because I feel I might fail and that I could never attain that.<br /><br />But on the other hand, this issue isn't a problem. Progress is being made. And I can see the glimmer of the self-image that is forming around this fitter, stronger shell. I think I like where this is going.<br /><br /><br />And what happened beyond sports? A fling with a girl whom still had a boyfriend. Something I feel I should feel guilty over, but I simply could not. We bonded while I tried to give advice to help her failing relationship.<br /><br />I always considered relationships to be sacred. A promise is a promise. But there is more than simply a word that is given here. A relationship is a living, breathing thing between two people and no matter how often you invoke a word, beating a dead horse will never get it going again.<br /><br />Not that it worked, she chose her boyfriend over me, in the end. In a way, I'm glad about it. I doubt we would have workd in that way, but the attraction was there. For a few weeks, I was her casanova and she was my secret lover. As dubious as it sounds, I hope she and her boyfriend can get things going again. I hope I taught her more about the world. <br /><br />She taught me more about women. About the primal part that rests in all of us, about how when both of you open up, being earnest of what you want, sparks start flying. By being a very feminine woman, she allowed me to become more masculine than I previously was. It was strangely liberating and nice to feel how the masculine and the feminine fit together.<br />Though if this sounds vague to you, maybe it should be. It's about making the other feel safe in a relationship by taking control. It's about proving that you can handle her, so she can give herself fully.<br /><br />And lastly, old passions returning. I've spent more time reading, I've lost myself in dance again, with women claiming me as a partner as soon I was free. I'm starting to believe there might be a dancer in me, somewhere. 30 sounds like a nice age to discover new talents and growing them.<br /><br />Good night world.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-54124786483224398792012-04-18T18:13:00.002-07:002012-04-18T18:15:27.047-07:00“Your goal is not to find love, but to remove all barriers which are preventing you from receiving it.”<br /> - Rumi<br /><br />So true. It's easy to spend all my energy in finding someone to get the love I feel I need from. But it's never about the love they give, but the lack of it that I have for myself.<br /><br />I'll quit trying for now and just be. There's other avenues that require my presence and energy more.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-68445992425192947892012-03-22T01:10:00.003-07:002012-03-22T01:33:16.597-07:00vulnerabilityI've recently stumbled upon the site postmasculine.com which has been awesome in giving a well-needed and broader view in self-development. Starting from the field of pickup, Mark (The writer) indicates that pickup is a way to deal with the symptoms of deeper, usually emotional issues. He also states that game is all fine and dandy, but that men who pursue the notion of "Getting every woman they want" are deeply flawed themselves.<br /><br />And in a way, he is right. Game is mainly a method of faking that you are awesome to attract women, while it does not change your core being (much). Mark advocates a route that is more like inner game : Improving yourself and your self-image to such an extent that you become attractive instead of faking it.<br /><br />He gives simple advice for men who want to become more attractive.<br />- Go to a gym. Get in shape. Enjoy your body and the energy you give it.<br />- Dress well, show that you care for yourself and present yourself well.<br />- Practice dealing with women, build attraction, seduce and tease.<br />- Be <span style="font-style:italic;">vulnerable</span>.<br /><br />The last one, being vulnerable is very interesting. It doesn't mean telling your date that you have mommy issues and piling all your troubles on them. It does mean that you simply show your true face.<br /><br />This is a problem with many insecure people, posers and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy">nice guys</a> who would rather keep up a front than showing who they really are.<br /><br />I've been doing the same. Not only have I created an emotional mask to wear when insecure, tired or just scared to be vulnerable. And I've learned to obfuscate really well, to place a layer of words and reasoning between what I really feel and what I show the world.<br /><br />A layer that my ex hated, but that only became really visible when a friend showed me where it was and showed displeasure at me keeping that layer there. He asked me to keep the mask off and told me when I was putting it back on.<br /><br />At the start, it was really awkward, with me slipping into the mask several times. But as time went on, I started to accept that I actually was good enough to just be myself and that I didn't have to add useless conversation just to "earn" my place in it.<br /><br />The mask isn't gone. You don't lose something like that overnight. But for now I'm trying to be more vulnerable, to open up and to let things hit me, instead of quickly pushing them away and keeping it all neutral. It's scaring me shitless.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-3318754273466272762012-02-22T17:48:00.003-08:002012-02-22T17:56:48.371-08:00AngerIn general, I'm a "nice" guy. It's hard for me to get angry, agressive or even intimidating. I just fall back to a "nice" level of intensity and stick around there. <br /><br />This is a thing holding me back. I've somehow been brought up to believe that negative emotions are negative, but they're not. They're just emotions that boil up due to something happening. You might as well say that love is great, but lust is wrong. They are all just mental states I experience and I feel. To ignore or deny that is something that is probably a recipe for years of therapy.<br /><br />And I've noticed that I can get angry. At stupidity. At things that I find unfair. That anger gives tremendous energy to deal with said unfairness, though it's hard to channel it into a constructive avenue.<br /><br />Still, looking back, the strongest impact I've had on people was when I got angry because of a view or thought they held which was unfair in my opinion. By showing I was angry and using that anger to adress the unfair situation, I somehow changed the world for the better. So cheers to you anger, for we will probably meet again, and this time as friends.<br /><br /><br />* For those interested, the most lucid moment was when an asian girl kept saying that mothers love their children more than men and that men could not take care of children as their mother could because of this.<br />I never heard such idiocy in my life. Angrily, I stated that men have feelings too and actually love their children.<br />I don't think I convinced the asian girl, but a girl sitting close by confessed that she had never thought of it that way. That girl finally got over her hatred of men that night and would eventually become my partner. Thank you anger, for not letting me sit idly.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-86490628019839481502012-02-13T13:17:00.000-08:002012-02-13T13:22:09.386-08:00The trick in understanding peopleA lot of men seem to state that they will never understand women. Women claim the same. Both parties sigh deeply and wonder if they'll ever be able to understand the other party.<br /><br />Though we differ, we're not <span style="font-style:italic;">that</span> different. The problem is that to properly understand someone else, you must first understand how the differences in your own perception prevent you from grasping their worldview.<br /><br />Too abstract? Men can't handle distractions while we focus on doing something like driving. Women can. She will talk to him whilst driving. He will ask her to please shut up because he has to drive.<br />There is no deep mystery here, just a different way of functioning, which leads to conflicts.<br /><br />Next time you think you don't understand a woman, quit thinking like a man. you'll be surprised how much more easy understanding her becomes.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-18045307496541282042012-01-23T18:23:00.000-08:002012-01-23T18:25:33.568-08:00ObservationSometimes observation is not just a way to sure that what you see is true, but a way to prevent yourself from being part of what you look at.<br /><br />Observing people and their behaviour is a poor substitute for being part of their lives.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-91022562892038617012012-01-17T17:38:00.000-08:002012-01-17T17:42:32.230-08:00More like guidelinesOriginally this comes from the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction">law of attraction</a>. Personally, I think they're more <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6kgS_AwuH0">like guidelines</a> anyhow.<br /><br />But you get what you give. I keep wondering about the negative view some PUA's have about women. Sure, if that's how you want to see the world, that is how your world will be.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-10837259013966392242011-12-21T01:08:00.000-08:002011-12-21T01:37:06.955-08:00pickup realitiesWhile reading a nice pdf about why the pickup industry (<a href="http://www.aaronsleazy.com/files/Aaron.Sleazy.Debunking.The.Seduction.Community.pdf">link here</a>) as a whole is mostly about being a business and making money and less about simply helping people, I was struck by a sentence from the author that stated that game is all nice and fun, but in the end, women simply choose who they like and that game itself has little say in that. It simply increases your chances by teaching you to stop doing stupid things whilst qualifying for that selection process.<br /><br />There is no way to describe the relief that simple sentence gave me. Instead of being responsible for the outcome of flirting and seducing, I suddenly became one of the two parties involved, as opposed to being the one that has to lead, control and keep on reframing the interaction to move it in the direction you want to move it.<br /><br />All the girls that I have been with, I’ve ended up with because we got into flow. Things were fun, we got together and we clicked. And instead of living in a world where that click has to be carefully pushed and steered, turning every interaction with a woman into one where I have to actively try to see and control the situation, myself and her, I can just enjoy myself and see what that brings.<br /><br />So what if I don’t get laid as often as PUA’s. I’m in this for the long run, finding a partner is my goal, which requires me to find someone I can be honest with. That does not mean that I can’t use parts of game, but I will use it to make my partner happy, not to push her to sleep with me. The brand of game that <a href="http://www.marriedmansexlife.com">Athol Kay</a> is preaching, with a good measure of ’inner’ (Self-improvement and just being proud and happy with yourself) and ’natural’ (I’ve attracted several women in my life. No games, no thinking, just letting it happen and enjoying eachother’s company) game involved. But that is mostly for my own development and peace of mind, not my future partners.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-62853348493983498652011-12-07T09:47:00.000-08:002011-12-07T10:00:43.391-08:00The negA <a href="http://www.sosuave.com/articles/neghits.htm">Neg</a> is a technique that pick-up artists use to get attention (attraction) from pretty women. Those women generally get all kinds of positive attention from men hoping to 'buy' their attraction with compliments.<br /><br />To be different, they sort-of-insult the woman, to appear independent and strong and to break down her initial assumption that he is just another guy who will be like the rest.<br /><br />In short, you playfully point out that she is not perfect and that you see that. A few examples would be along the lines of:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">+ "You have a very pretty face, but you should use less makeup. Makeup should be used to enhance a woman’s beauty, not hide it."</span> or <span style="font-style:italic;">You're a really pretty girl, but what else have you got besides that?</span><br /><br />There is all kind of theorycrafting on why this works (And why it apparently only works on really pretty women or women who think they are but aren't that pretty.)<br /><br />But I keep wondering if the whole point of this isn't just to shake someone out of social roles. That for some reason, showing that you can see past the mask and that you accept it, you allow the other to remove it and become more genuine with you.<br /><br />It would be funny if a bunch of guys wearing silly hats and boas, who insult women to seduce them and to sleep with them, are somehow making the world a more honest place.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-44741003726957145892011-11-29T13:06:00.000-08:002011-11-29T13:13:28.175-08:00Just do itIt's very easy to procrastinate or to get stuck in a lifestyle where you never really get anything done. It's there, it's easy, but you just never quite get to doing all those things that you kind of want or need to get done.<br /><br />"Just start." Was the advice someone gave me. And it is the best advice possible, but also the least useful. It sort of falls on the same line as telling a smoker that would like to quit that he just has to "stop smoking."<br /><br />It really IS as simple as that, but if the person was able to take such action, he would have done so himself ages ago.<br /><br />Procrastination is also my cardinal sin, with lots of little chores and things that I kind of wanted to do that did not get done. Untill I got a new job. Suddenly, I'd leave home at 6:30 sharp and come home 12 hours later, at 18:30.<br /><br />Suddenly, things that need to be done get done. There is no "Meh, later" because there will be no time later either. I have to admit I like the regularity. Though I dislike not being able to participate in fun stuff each evening. <br />But with time being short, it became valuable. And with it being valuable, I'm not going to waste it anymore.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3193966297568850814.post-72388180409925036142011-11-28T10:34:00.001-08:002011-11-28T10:35:14.505-08:00CaffeinSuddenly I understand why people in high-paced / high attention-span jobs drink so much coffee and tea. You get SO MUCH more done by just being high on caffein.Joosthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05904131269033306188noreply@blogger.com0